2018.

       I'd been a little pensive about writing and sharing this post. I felt like I was being a bit cliche, and perhaps even a little melodramatic, but alas I decided to go against my initial thoughts. The past three years have been so emotionally draining for me, they say bad luck comes in threes right? I've been living a whirlwind, experiencing an extreme loss, to trying to start life after college, to coming to the realization that things almost never go as planned, whether good or bad. Last year, well last month really, I had a eureka moment, well let me get into it because it wasn't exactly an AHAH! moment.
      My entire life I've been around the same size physically, being able to eat what I want, when I want, and the whole nine with no consequence. Lucky huh? That's what I've always heard. I don't know if it's age, my change in diet, or "my metabolism catching up with me", but between November and December I noticed that all of my bras were fitting me much differently. To be quite frank, my boobs were spilling out of every bra I owned. While I do understand that there are a number of women willing to pay for this problem I am not one of them. Think Kendall Jenner hitting puberty circa 2015 and having a meltdown. So I decided that I could no longer deal with ill fitting undergarments and decided to accept my expanding bust-line and buy new, larger bras. Simple. Except nothing ever is so.
   Upon my discovery of "new" larger boobs, I realized I put on a bit of weight everywhere. Nothing thats  even noticeable to those who know me well, regardless it began to bother me. Before I continue, let me just state that I realize that I am not the average body size, and I am in no way overweight, but what I mean to really address is that this weight gain put me out of my comfort zone mentally and physically, and is the result of poor habits due to stress. Yet, for whatever reason my realization of this weight has acted as a galvanizing force, instead of beating myself up I did a bit of introspection. Since I don't own a scale, as I don't want to get caught up with a number, I'd been basing my weight gain on how well I fit into jeans from high school, I'm talking jeans from 10 years ago! A ridiculous and probably more destructive gauge of weight than an electronic scale. However, instead of holding on to those jeans and deciding to do some crazy fad diet until they fit, I donated them. I actively decided that if they don't fit me then they don't belong in my life.
     That was my eureka moment, seemingly simple, but again its never as simple as it seems. In something so mundane as letting go of my outdated teenage clothes I realized that what I was really letting go of was the past pieces of myself, and remnants of a life long gone that I hadn't reconciled with. This weight gain has broken the stagnancy that I've been living with for the past few years. Ironically, at the close of the year, in time for me to truly leave all the anxiety, animosity, and stress of the past where it belongs.
     This year, as less of a resolution and more of an oath to health, both mentally and physically, I'm letting all things that don't better me, make me feel good, or that are good for me go. I plan to put all my cards on the table to be transparent to myself and everyone around me. It's crazy to me that a small physical change was the tipping point in the materialization of a change in mindset, a change that I've been craving for years, but wasn't really ready for.
     I hope that the days to come for all you bring growth and strength. It's a journey for all of us no matter how different our situations may be. It's so important to be whole as an individual, so that we can offer our best selves to the world.
     So CHEERS, to difficult but happy endings, and new exciting beginnings!